Island of Redundancy

question

2006-02-06T00:41:46Z

Hey, does anyone know how I can delete my livejournal?
k thanks

Randomness

2004-05-20T01:35:12Z

Yeah, I got my drivers license yesterday. It felt amazing. Haven't really had too many problems yet, but all the same its great just to have da license. HERE IS SOMETHING DEDICATED TO CAITLYN> IM SORRY ABOUT THE CAPS< BUT MY COMPUTER IS A RETARD right now. Wow that was etrange. Here u go Cait

You have a surprise kiss! Your partner is always
pleasantly pleased to have you jump outta no
where to dote them with a fun peck on the cheek
or more passionate embrace. super markets and
work places are your favorite places to attack
your loved one with all your love =p

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yeah, so Prom is Saturday, I'm soo fuckin ready

The Un-Period of the Day

2004-05-14T02:01:44Z

Walking home from dinner- now that's an unperiod. This is the un-period that changed itself into the center of my day. I CAN'T fucking stick up for myself. At least thats what my mom thinks. She thinks that I'm at the age where I should be able to stick up for myself. Well MOM, I tried sticking up to your lovely son, and look where it got me- the middle of the street getting punched by him! I tried, and I ended up feeling worthless in my own room, so when you come in here trying to give me advice, don't fucking push me around, cause I FEEL LIKE SHIT ALREADY, AND YOURE JUST MAKING IT WORSE!
Anyways, for those of you who missed the implications in the first paragraph, I finally realized that my family sucks ass, and one of those members *cough* J *cough* is a truly evil person. So, Rae came to save the day, and now I'm not really feeling that anger anymore, its more sort of indifference. So, to sum up, my parents can eat shit, my brother has no respect for human life, and Rae is the savior of the human race. So thats about it folks, see you next week!

One Song

2004-05-13T00:57:16Z

So much stuff to do, so little desire on my part to do it. I need to make the next paper the best thing that I've ever written. I have to make it amazing, I need to find my litterary voice. It's so easy to just communicate with yourself through writting, but I HATE GIVING SPEECHES! But apparently not as much as Brent. ANYWAYS, Today was tons of fun, I played with Dry Ice in chemistry, was 'right on the money' in civ, and did aiight on a math quiz. Tomorrow should be a whole lot worse, but thats OK. I've got to write my intro tonight and make it the most amazing thing I've ever written. I need to find a voice and not let myself be caught up in other shite. Anyways, I'm hoping to party weekend after next at P-R-O-M, i'll prolly stay sober cause my dates too pretty, but I have to go work now, I'll talk to you, that means you later
Top 5 Games of All Time (For Me)
5) JSRF
4) Gabriel Knight 2 & 3
3) KOTOR
2) Shenmue II
1) Shenmue I

Return of da....

2004-05-10T20:18:35Z

What a weekend. I'm not going into specifics, but people are dumb and do dumb things, and I'm sad to say that I actually encouraged some of them, but E and R hooked up (gross) on OUR couch... which is kind of disturbing. Anyway, I cleaned house on saturday so that I can buy my lil' Ipod sometime. I still have $300 to make before I can buy it, so if anyone has any suggestions, just IM me or call me (410-703-0974)-btw this is not an invitation to start bombarding me with random phone calls unless your name starts with Cait and ends with lyn. I should probably leave to go to my Japanese lesson soon, but that's besides the point.
I watched 'Hulk' yesterday which is actually a good movie, no matter how many mindless fanboys tell you it sucked. It is sort of an emotionally distant movie, because the main charachter actually succomes to his own weakness, and gives in. The movie only actually starts sucking in the last scene where they try to set up for a sequel where the 'Hulk' will be a 'hero', when he's actually kind of scarry.
Anywho, I need to get my Ipod like, NOW! and its making me mad that I have to clean house for the next two weekends to make it happen. Oh well. C'est la vie... I'm so materialistique
Less than 2 weeks 2 prom!!! I can't wait -> Caitlyn that means we have to start practicing our 'moves' again, esp. since we haven't danced since Valentine's! :-P
So, I'm going on Prufrock hiatus for a while, I don't really feel like talking about my insecurities about love, but here is the top 5
Top 5 Things I should be doing right now instead of posting:
5. Studying for French Test on Thursday
4. Doing HW
3. Eating so I'm not hungry
2. Working on my paper
1. Get going to Japanese lessons
I think I'll start with the first one, so I'll talk to YOU yes, that means you with the keyboard, later

Making Something Out of Nothing

2004-05-08T03:37:14Z

Yeah, I failed... again.
But thats ok. I was pissed before, but now I'm a helluva lot calmer. Today in civ I was practically screaming that our government should try to decrease the amount of money given for health benefits given to civil servants by promoting healthy livestyles. AKA the people at the MVA who smoke, Eat McDonalds, and don't exercize. ANYways, C came over tonight to make me feel better ;-). I love her so much, and I don't know what'd I would do without her. :-D We 'watched' Rush Hour 2, and then we talked for a really long time. Really theraputic actually. Anyways, before Caitlyn came over I was in a mad rush to clean house so that it wouldnt look like complete shit when she came over, which I guess turned out fine.
Tomorrow's schedule looks to be pretty intense- from like 9 to 2 I'm going to clean house, and then from 6-? I'm 'entertaining' some guests for mes parents. So, naturally I've got almost no free time tomorrow. I need to practice parallel parking this weekend too, but that shouldn't be that big of a problemo. So I guess today started out crappy, but now I feel a lot better. So, thanks again C if you are reading this, you made everything so much better. It's late, and I've got tons of stuff to do tomorrow, so I'm out like you in baseball.
Top 5 Reasons to be happy:
5. Even if other people aren't happy, they need you to try and make them happier. They'll appreciate it even if they don't vocalize their opinions
4. You have people who love you, even if you don't realize it, they love you a lot
3. The world is actually an OK place, most people aren't evil, they just are having bad days, so if you set in your mind to have a good day, then its likely that those around you will have good days also
2. We aren't living in a third-world country, and there isn't a high probability that we will get shot if we walk outside
1. Cause life's too short to waste being depressed.

So Let Her Be A Lesbian, There Are Other Fishies In the Sea

2004-05-05T20:30:49Z

Today was a photocopy. Seriously, with a few exceptions, every week is the same... Anyways paper deadline was extended. I have to go to religious school tonight... fun stuff!!! I'm going to write something for the service, but I'm not really sure what to write about "Journey of Life". Anyways I have a HOTT date to prom this year. I'm so fucking psyched. I need Prom to be here like now. I'm trying to think of what I can get C, but I'm not sure what she would want. Anyways E was really mad at me... again, but she seems to be feeling a bit better now, which is good. E's maturity is directly proportional to the time she wastes over petty shit. Like during civ, she sent Nell in with a message that she is going to cut me... scarry... I've never had someone threaten me like that... The Rent obsession saga continues... in the words of Jonathan Larson, "Everything Is Rent". It's sad how much our society is based around how much money you have, but I guess that's capitalism for you. Anyways, I heard the best joke last night on an away message website. What's the opposite of progress if pro is the opposite of con?
Oh, and about the title of this post, I'm just obsessed with Mark's mom from Rent. She is so batty!!!! So I went to a site that was like "You are a Rent-Head if..."
and then it went through a list of things that all applied to me!! Scarry!!!
So anyways, Drivers License is a MAYBE for Friday.. we'll see...
So here is today's Top 5 list
Top 5 cities I need to visit before I'm 30
5)Milan
4)Istanbul
3)Munich
2)Hong Kong
1)*Tokyo*
Prufrock Quote:
And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions

Israel... is it real?

2004-05-03T20:41:55Z

It's May and it's raining. Surprisingly the rain is not depressing. I have to write a paper this week and it's kind of bugging the heck out of me. I came up with a semi-decent thesis that is all about the evils of technology in the 20th century. Speaking of Civ junk, today we had a "Holocaust" powerpoint. It's kind of sad that the way my class is learning about something so horrible is through an egotistical man and a powerpoint. Wow. My School.
Anyways today was the first day that summer seemed like something tangible. I can imagine going to Israel at the end of June, and it doesn't seem like something that far away. Also, Troy and Shrek 2 are coming out soon, and a little bit after that, PoA
^_^
Chem test tomorrow, no big deal. I hope I can get some shoes soon for running so that Pinky will get her claw of death off of me. I hope she trips soon. Very soon.
In fact, tomorrow would be great!
I have to go do HW now, but I need my daily dossage of Eliot now. Too bad Civ addicted me. Prufrock is such an amazing poem.
So I'm adding another thing to the end of my postings: an Eliot quote!

No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous -
Almost, at times, the Fool.

Top 5 Things I Love at the moment
5) Anticipation of Movies This Summer
4) Anticipation of Israel
3) Rent
2) My Friends
1) Life

And We Drown...

2004-05-02T22:43:44Z

The one-acts are done. I feel kind of sad, but kind of relieved at the same time too. I mean I will never have to dress up as a dog and get my butt smacked by Krista Lowe ever again.. which is kind of a relief I guess... I'm hoping that this week is less painful than the last. I only have three of them left to go, and I wish they would just get here. I read an interesting TS Eliot poem today that I totally didn't get... "Till Human Voices Wake Us And We Drown..." strange strange strange stuff. I guess the idea of the poem was about middle aged love and trying to keep the 'ideal' alive, but then again, my opinions are always crappy. The world is a vampire, and its sucking my blood until I just drift through life like a zombie.

Painted Ships

2004-05-02T22:18:32Z

Everyday is the same, every feeling just a copy of another. Something didn’t happen, and nothing will ever go. It’s all white sheets of paper and screens protected by glass; Coffee that’s too hot and hearts that are too cold. They say that it will all be better when you’re older, just wait a bit, but I don’t see changes anymore. They say that if everyday was good then there wouldn’t be any good days, but I can’t see the difference any more. Grey skies above and dull earth below. I’m just on my way like a painted ship upon a painted ocean. The crew has gone mute and deaf, communication is dead. Plastic masks surround each person as they make their way through the ocean of uncertainty. A member tries to jump into the water, but ends up in the same place he was, is, and always will be. His mates try to scream at him, but fail to connect. The voyage is stopped. The captain has crashed the ship on the island of redundancy. The isle is divided, no two men can be together on an island, each must be alone, and utterly alone, and that is the way we must live.

Bed Time

2004-04-30T02:58:28Z

Yeah, so I wanted to do something before going to bed, and here I am doing it. I feel submerged and I can't figure out how to breathe... It's weird. I need to stop drifting through life. I want to live. I want life. Give me life!
Rent is still running through my head. If only the world had more Angels. I love each and every charachter in Rent with a passion. I am in love with a cast of ficticious charachters.. How sad is that. I am in love with anything with a smile and a hug right now (with the exception of the people who are sleeping a few rooms away) but anyways I need to start doing something about my life. I started a play tonight about raquetball... maybe if I'm lucky, I'll get to be the center of attention next year and produce a play. Anyways I was singing 'Glory' this afternoon while working on the downstairs computer, then my dad walked through the front door... It was awkward to say the least... I'm going to start doing top 5s at the end of my posts, so here this goes.
Top Five Reasons I Have No Life
5) I've gone to the same school for 11 years
4) I'm afraid of danger
3) I've never experienced any real emotion except for fear and apprehension about school
2) I mask myself to the world and go along with the majority of people so that there will be no tension
1) I can't stand other people (with some exceptions)

Quiz

2004-04-30T00:30:05Z

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a	-10,000,000 damn you suck
your best quality is	youre pretty inside and out
your worst quality is	you feel lonely sometimes
this is because	other people influenced you

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

A Long Time Coming

2004-04-30T00:12:10Z

Hey, I'm sorry I haven't been updating this, I'm kind of out of excuses (how many times did I just use of?) Anyways life goes on... I still hate my parents (they bug the shit out of me), J is still a chauvanistic ass who can't control life. Anyways, I've been meaning to post here again for a while because everything just seems so off key... I feel like I've floated through the month of April without ever really being awake. Anyways, I think I had an epiphany last weekend when I saw 'Rent' on broadway. This show is something else. It doesn't deserve to just be some sort of arena where preteen girls can salivate at the guys playing Roger and Mark. I know I'm kind of a late-comer on this one, but I've been listening to it nonstop since Saturday. Something inside the show just feels real and living (with the exception of Scary Spice, but we'll come to that in a moment). The way that it just starts, then doesn't stop... You have to see it to feel it. I love how the band didn't hide in the orchestra, they were actually a part of the show-- something that most broadway shows do (short shrift the people actually making the whole thing work). However I think my euphoria was ruined when Chr. last night kept on changing my CD back to "Seasons of Love", one of the worst songs in the show (in my humble opinion). I wish that my Dad would go the fuck away sometimes. He just walked the fuck in here. HE NEEDS TO STOP STALKING ME AROUND THE HOUSE!!! Seriously, like I try to escape and be alone, then he'll fucking walk into the room uninvited. He farts, snores, chews with his mouth open, showers, shits, pisses with the bathroom door WIDE FUCKING OPEN! I need to leave this fucking place NOW!!!! Anyways, chauvinistic J comes home tomorrow which is ironic since I'm writing this on his laptop. J's ex Gf E. was cool for a while, but she just seems so insecure sometimes, she needs to realize that she is not the only person in the world. Honestly, she is turning into one of the most egotistical people I know, and I don't want that to happen to her, but maybe that's just her revealing who she is on the inside, I don't know I'm so confused. I'm so mad that I won't have my license at least till next Friday because I failed the Drivers Test the first time, I really suck at this whole parking shebang. Anyways I'm pretty depressed that Movie Night won't happen this week, but I want to get trashed at the cast party-- badly. I have so much shit I just need to forget about right now. Hooray for chemical imbalances... Back to Rent. Scary Spice can't sing. period. She played the part of Mimi, who I get is supposed to be a bit hoarse because she is a junkie, but SS played the part a bit too well.... The guy who played Mark and the girls who played Maureen and JoAnn kicked some serious ass. I wish that I could sing like the guy who played Roger, but than again, I just wish I could sing. So anyways ending out this day's thoughts:
"Please Don't Touch Me
Understand
I'm Scared
I Need to Go Away
Just Came To Say
Good Bye Love
Hello Disease"
-Jonathan Larson
1960-1996

A Strange Feeling

2004-01-13T23:50:08Z

Today was a pretty weird day... I overheard someone in Chem talking about how their spin was off or whatever, I really felt the same way. Last night and today I felt as if I had done a lot, however when it came down to it, I really had not. Maybe it was just the fact that I had finished 2 papers and done Algebra, French and Civ. However I am confronted with a 36 page document to read in the next 12 hours... Oh well.. Anyways... musical practice was last night. I can't sing, I can't dance, I can't act. Now that's what I call a triple threat! I am consumed with my hope that Lord of the Rings wins Best Picture at the Oscars. Hooray for petty shit! Anyways, I love being judged, it's just so much fucking fun! So anyways I'm feeling quite a bit better than I did this weekend now that I have accomplished some work. My lethargacy is starting to come back like an old friend... Oh well. I want to watch Hero, but I can't because I have work to do. Grrr... Exams coming up... I don't even know how to study for Civ! I know for a fact that I'm going to fail French and Algebra, maybe a D in Chem, but other than that, I think I'm set! Don't worry I'm not this pessimistic in real life... Today began with a strange feeling... a house empty, and now its leaving with one... work done, yet unfinished. I'll see you all in (insert expletive)

Chappy Days

2004-01-11T20:23:49Z

I'm sitting at my computer pretending to do work. Lethargacy is slowly tearing up my future. Oh well. I never feel like doing work, and neither should you. I feel better this morning. Calmer and stuff. Alias tonight, the adiction continues. Lethargacy is my drug. Anyways, my blanket feels good, my country does not. Bush needs to die. Madonna is doing what other celebrities should all do, and endorse a candidate. People listen to Bennifer, not John Kerry. I really want to see Gigli so I can laugh. Although I heard that Grind is a really bad movie too. Grrr... so many bad movies to see.. so little time. Ah fuck. I want to go see a show and not have to worry about coming home to work. I hate work. Work is the spawn of Satan. I can't wait to be a teacher and assign my students homework. I'm such a sadist.

Weird Saturdays

2004-01-11T05:52:35Z

I was awokened this fine Saturday morning when my pop decided that he would wake me up when someone called me. Asshole. ANYways, I ended up seeing 'Big Fish' with 4 girls who all cried/almost cried during the movie. I was too preoccupied with the kids making noise next to us. God, I'm sixteen, and already I'm saying "Damn Kids". Honestly that pisses me off so much.. Oh well. The movie was good... more 'serious' than most Burton fare. Strange, but heartwarming I guess, although the ending was sad... Oh well, not as sad as 'Hero' which Ms. W. failed to recognize raw beauty. Ah well, everyone has different tastes. After the movie we went to wait outside for parents to arrive. W. completely trashed my act of chivalry by going back inside. Oh well, I guess I shouldn't care. They kept on looking at hair products. Wow, hair products... so interesting. So anyways, we haven't even gotten to the best part yet. We drove W. home, and my mom had hell backing out of her driveway. That was pretty laugh out loud. Spaghetti and Salad for dinner. Back to normal... I miss the holidays and my lethargacy. I miss when everything was simple... I got a phone call from K and B after dinner. We talked about 'King Lear' and other pointless junk. Hooray for my random friends... I love you B. I HATE MY PARENTS WHY WONT THEY SHUT UP!!!! God damn it! Why can't my parents just shut up! This is so stupid. I hate how our society treats disease. Ugh. I hate my parents. I hate this stupid little world, and how people always have to fucking ask, and be annoying and shit. I hate when my brother just like walks into the room when I'm watching TV and starts asking me questions, and starts making fun of me and stuff when I tell him to go away. I never bother him when he's on the TV except for very little bits. Ugh. This was the case at many points when I watched 'Just Married'. It was how ugly people are to each other, and then how we can just 'kiss and make up'. I hate how fake Hollywood is. Why can't the world just be like it is in the movies. Why can't people know when to back off, and when to be close. I want answers, and I want my friends to be alright. Its not fair, why do I have to be the one she chose to tell. I need a fucking mentor. People are so fucked up. Jeez, I have to now deal with E's fucking petty shit, and other people who really do need my help, not to mention exams in less than 2 weeks. Plus Shakespeare project! I hate January.

Hey...

2004-01-08T22:55:49Z

Just thought I would post today, seeing as I just signed up and all. I have a lot of work to do (French, Chemistry, Civ, I LOVE IT ALL!), and you know it's great writing on this, but as my brainwashing parents say, "School is the only way you'll be able to get a job!". Grr.. I hate this country, I want to move to Japan and teach English, I don't want to be one of those depressing cubicle workers who had big dreams, and then never went through with them because of various reasons. I want to live in Japan, I want to be happy, and find love. Yes, love while we are on the topic... I WANT TO KNOW WHAT TRUE LOVE IS!!! If you are reading this, you probably don't have any good solutions so don't try giving me any fake hints, its not worth it. I'm sick and tired of being the little brother to so many people. I just want to be me, and be taken for me, not just some cute person, gahrgh! Oh well, I haven't really experienced enough of the world to really comment on it, so says so many people to me, but why should I listen to them? Reminds me of Virgin Suicides, which reminds me of how stupid people can be about how shitty the world is. THE WORLD IS SHITTY BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE YOU JUST ASSUME IT IS! Why do people do drugs, drink alcohol, and smoke? To escape a world that is made crappy because they can't manage just a little bit of kindness? Urgh! Human nature is so repetitive, why do we keep going in circles, and yet think we are 'leaping forward into a new world of life, liberty, and true happines!'. People need to understand to love one and other. Not like, love. Through my minimum amount of experience, I think I can attempt at a difference between the two. Liking is just a small part of loving. Liking is enjoying. Liking by itself is not real. Loving is being able to stand through it all, through the good parts, and the not so good parts. Loving someone is going through a fight, and still come out liking the other person. You need to stand through, and work at love to make love work. You work for love, love does not work for you. This is why I think that the world is so shitty. People give up to easily at love. I mean just look at the divorce rate! People need to try hard at loving humanity too. If only we all could love each other!! Hooray for optimism (and blabbering). Anyways, since this is my first post I want to get something out clear. I HATE PEOPLE WHO ASSUME! I know I am guilty of this on many accounts. I hope someday to achieve that amazing, impossible goal of not being an assuming, judgemental person, but hey, the world might love itself one day too right? Since this is my first post and all, it might also be my last if I don't keep this up, because I am just too lethargic. I remind myself of George from "Stuart Little". I like to start things, but never end them. I wish I could care less about myself than I do, but hey! That's what its all about, right? I think the reason why I read so many movie reviews is because I want to make sure that I am 'right' in my thinking which is a horrible thing to do. I am sorry this is so spontanious, but that's how my thought process goes. Oh well. I'm sorry if I'm not perfect. I'm sorry if I can't cater to you all the time, or at all. To quote Bilbo from FOTR 'I'm sorry for everything'. Which I know I shouldn't be, but I am. Anyways this has gone on for far too long. But I will try to document how life goes from now on. But this is me right now. And for those of you wondering, Quidam means 'Anyman' in French. No, I am not a common Frenchman. I am just like the rest of the world, trying to figure out why I am not happy. I love Candide.